Ever feel like an imposter? A pretender who is supposed to be full of faith and love but is also full of a bunch of other less desirable stuff? On the one hand, we confess to know Jesus and love our neighbor while our other hand thinks our neighbor is an annoying git? If others knew the thoughts of our hearts, we would be tossed out on your keister. Doubt and shame can hover like a dark shadow.
Maybe your thing is a deeply held insecurity you try to keep buried. Your job is secure. You are relatively successful in your work or even wildly successful in your career. On the outside, no one would know the beast of self-doubt that lurks in the dark corners of your heart. Even with all the worldly successes, you wonder if you are enough.
All the wrestling on the inside is not hidden from the God who created us and calls us by name. Sit on that and let the shiver snake down your spine. He knows our thoughts and the intentions of our hearts, and his response is to love.
Watching the Maverick City's video for I Thank God, I wanted to jump in with equal expressions of gratefulness. God knows all the deep, hidden corners of my inner world, and He isn't repulsed. He invites me closer.
The gift in that invitation is that as I move closer and those hidden areas light up with His presence, they are changed. I am changed. The darkness fades, and the light shines more brightly.
Because He healed my heartHe changed my nameForever free, I'm not the sameI thank the MasterI thank the SaviorI thank God
Maybe you are in recovery - or have been labeled as anxious or depressed. Overidentifying with labels is dangerous. I am not a fan of labels unless they help me learn how to take care of something. Clothing labels help us decide whether to hang it up or throw it in the dryer. A food label helps determine the expiration date. But labels on people are harmful. Labels on people put us in boxes with sides too high to climb. He is in that boat with you. You are not alone.
I say I am broken, but God says He makes me whole.
"So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority" (Colossians 2:10).
A more vulnerable truth might be that we are all in some sort of recovery. Recovering from broken hearts and broken lives. Recovering from what we created and what we have to deal with but never asked for. We face the dangers from within and the chaos all around us. Our slowly drifting, weary souls leave us battered and bruised.
Got no choice but to believeMy doubts are burningLike ashes in the windSo, so long to my old friendsBurden and bitter nightYou can't just keep them movingNo, you ain't welcome hereFrom now 'til I walkThe streets of goldI'll sing of how You saved my soul
We tend to want people to look and act a certain way, and deviations from the center typically don't fit in well. Variations often find themselves isolated and silenced.
I'll sing of how You saved my soulThis wayward sonHas found his way back homeHe picked me upTurned me aroundPlaced my feet on solid ground
Let's tell some truth. All fall short of center. On my worst days, you would run and hide if my heart was exposed before you. I have experienced anger so intense my teeth chattered. I have cursed in ways that would curl paint of the walls, but I also create safe spaces for vulnerable people to share their deepest emotional wounds. And if it happens in me, I know some dark things happen inside you, too.
Wandering into the nightWanting a place to hideThis weary soul, this bag of bonesAnd I tried with all my mindAnd I just can't win the fightI'm slowly drifting, oh bag of boneAnd just when I ran out of roadI met a man I didn't knowAnd he told meThat I was not aloneHe picked me upHe turned me aroundHe placed my feet on solid ground
I do thank God! He invites all to come close, no matter how visible the flaws. Have you dangerously tight roped your way through major depression? Have you felt your heart tear with sorrow holding vigil with a loved one in the ICU? That's my story, so what is yours?
And if He did it for me, He can do it for youIf He did it for me, He can do it for youGet up, get up, get upGet up out of that grave
God doesn't define you by your mistakes. He gives you a new name! He sees you in a way that the world may not. His vision of you is through the lens of His sacrifice. His blood for our life. God calls you up. He will not push you out because you haven't mastered or cleaned up every area of your life.
Get up out of that graveIf He did it for me, He can do it for you
Be encouraged. Join in the dance of gratefulness. Worship with Maverick City and thank God for grace - and His unfailing love.
Tracey Dahl, M.A. is a writer and Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) in Langley, BC (Canada). She is married to Ryan Dahl (Founder of PraiseCharts) and the mother of four grown children. I Thank God was written by Maverick City Music from the album Move Your Heart.
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